


I Want to Believe

by ofinkandeyesbeheld



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Kerberos Mission, M/M, Post-Kerberos Mission, Shadam, adashi, technically it's immediately post-kerberos mission but i dont know how I'd tag that, this is my first posted Ao3 fanfic pls don't be mean, vld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15395874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofinkandeyesbeheld/pseuds/ofinkandeyesbeheld
Summary: Microfic: Adam finds out about the Kerberos mission failure, and feelings--and feels--ensue.





	I Want to Believe

It's 11:47PM. One text buzzes in to Adam's phone while he's brushing his teeth.

"I'm so sorry."

It's from Sara, another pilot from another flight squadron--they became friends with him and Takashi after she started dating and then became engaged to Madelyn--like he and Takashi, both of their loves began with flight.

Adam pauses. _Sorry for what..?_ Sara hadn't done anything wrong recently. He absently texts back a "?" in response.

The three dots appear...typing, then stopping. Adam's heart starts to beat faster—Takashi’s always been the coolheaded one between them two. Ironic, isn't it.? That Takashi's his rock but his eyes are always looking towards the stars, towards the sky…towards what lies beyond. It's fine it's fine it's fine. It's fine! It'll be fine.

 _Breathe in, breathe out_ , the way that Takashi had always taught him.

The typing bubble appears again, and then the words, "Adam, I'm so sorry. It's all over TV."

Something grips his heart, his lungs have forgotten Takashi's breathing mantra, and the toothbrush clatters to the sink, and Adam turns the TV on.

 _"—erberos is missing, and all crew members are believed to be dea--"_ is all he hears and then his world goes dark.

 

Missing?

 

_Dead?_

 

 The phone in his pocket is buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, and why won't it be quiet why is it so _LOUD_ in his ears and why why _why—_

_“—resumably caused by pilot error. It is indeed, a sad day for all--”_

He throws the phone on the couch and it's rushing in with messages, it's too _bright_ , it bounces off the couch and onto the floor, and he can't look anymore. It can't be true. It _can't_ be true. There's nothing but the flashing lights from the TV and ringing in his ears and his stupid phone glowing from the floor, his _stupid_ hologram phone that _Takashi_ got him as a birthday gif---fuck. fuck fuck _fuck--._

He can't remember any of the breathing exercises that Takashi taught him---every attempt to remember brings back memories of them being happy, and now they're all clouding with grey, and now he's lost everything, and now his heart's too fast and he's feeling faint and the world’s spinning but the tears won't come, they won't they won't they _won't—_

He collapses into the couch, his body folding into itself, his breaths too shallow and too quick.

There's banging on the door and he doesn't answer. It's too loud it's too loud too loud and he shakes his head, he just wants to screa-- and then his door’s swinging open, and Sara and Madelyn are there, panting, hair wild.

He looks up.

He's wearing Takashi's old shirt, it's wrinkled with toothpaste on it and he's a mess and he looks away in shame.

"You weren't answering your phone, and I…I feared the worst," said Sara. Madelyn grips her fiancée’s hand in encouragement, in…in something that Adam doesn't have anymore.

"Adam, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry--" and Madelyn's hugging him, and here the tears come.

A sob escapes his lips, and he's sobbing, ugly sobbing, on the couch that he and Takashi bought together.

"It's all my fault. I told him to choose--to choose between Kerberos or me. I snapped at him. I told him that it--*hic*-- that it'd be the end of us if he went!--*hic*-- i-it's all my fault. I yelled at him because he was--*hic*-- because he was sick, and I was worried, and now… n-now --*hic*-- now he's _DEAD_ and it's _all_ my f-fault--*hic*--"

"No it's not, Adam, it's _not_ your faul--"

"Yes it _IS!_ I-I yelled at him and now h-he's--"

"Adam."

Sara's voice cuts through, calm and clear.

He looks away. Between Sara and Madelyn, Sara's always been the calm one, the one who was always rational, just like Ta---Takash----Adam grits his teeth.

"Adam," Sara repeats. Her voice is softer now.

"Adam, look at me. _Please._ "

His face is tear-stained, he can't see a thing out of his tear spattered glasses, there's snot running down his nose. He wipes it on the back of his hand, and takes a deep breath.

He looks at Sara. 

"Adam, who holds the record for the fastest flight pilot at the Garrison?"

"...Takashi."

"Who holds the record for most difficult maneuvers in-flight?"

"...T-takashi.."

"Adam, who's the best pilot in all of the Garrison?"

"T-takashi. Takashi Shirogane."

His voice is quiet.

" _Adam, do you really think this was caused by pilot error?"_

Madelyn's grip on his shoulder relaxes a little. There's a tiny speck of hope in the midst of his blurry, dark world. He almost pushes it away, but it keeps clinging onto him.

"I...I--*hic*--I don't know."

His brows furrow together.

The more he thought about it, the less it made sense. Takashi? Pilot error? Takashi, the only person to hold all of the Garrison's flight records, Takashi, perfectionist and coolheaded leader?

Takashi, _crashing?_

Takashi.... _dead?_

"No...Takashi....Takashi wouldn't let something...let something like that happen. It's so..unlike _him_ …"

The TV is still blaring in the background, repeating like a broken record. _"—ission to the distant moon of Kerberos is missing, and all crew membe--”_

 

Wait.

 

_Missing?_

 

That means… no found wreckage. No found…bodies.

 

Just… _missing._ Disappeared.

 

"...aliens?" Adam mutters, lost in thought. It's an—was?---an inside joke between him and Takashi--anything that couldn't be explained, it was aliens. Takashi would always insist that aliens were real, and Adam would always laugh and jokingly retort "As _if!_ "

No wreckage. No bodies. Missing. _Pilot error?_ None of it made sense. Maybe…just maybe, Takashi was alive. Somewhere. Somewhere out there. Takashi was strong. As …as long as his illness wouldn't force his body to give ou-- no, he wouldn't think like that.

 

 _Breathe in, breathe out_.

 

Takashi. _Takashi._

 

I want to believe. _I want to believe you're alive_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this far! Even though it's just a microfic-- and thanks to @space-hunks and @nikolaidelphiki on Tumblr for encouraging me to post my first AO3 work and for reading the initial draft :D
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this piece! 
> 
> Tumblr: @ofinkandgentlelove and @ofinkandeyesbeheld
> 
>  
> 
> Notes on the fic: 
> 
> (Canon-compliant up to the end of S7 EP1)
> 
> Sara and Madelyn are two original characters I added, because as of today (07.22.2018) I don't know the extent of Adam's circle of friends or family, and I'd imagine that he'd have at least a few! Also, wlw and mlm solidarity, because why not?


End file.
